How Being Selfish Can Help Your Community

When the need around them is BIG, why should helpers take the time AWAY from the mission to take care of themselves?

Pain, stress, and trauma affect every part of us as humans: heart, soul, mind, and body.

We often talk about the body and how it keeps the score, so to speak, as it holds the impact of the trauma in our memory system. Our bodies are really good at keeping us safe in this way. But, next to that, it’s really important for us to go towards the impact on our minds, as well, and hand our brains a framework we can hold onto so we can understand what we’re doing and why we’re doing it, in order to fully integrate the healing experiences we have.

In a very cool way, our brains are wired to fight for story. They work to understand and hold onto all of the pieces of an experience and for those pieces to be in order so that the experience makes sense. This is a VITAL part of walking toward healing and wholeness.

It can feel so incredibly counterintuitive to care for ourselves while the need around us is BIG, so what logical information can we hand the mind in these spaces?

We in helper occupations are really good at compartmentalizing the parts of us that get in the way of fighting for our communities.

Think of a teacher who may be struggling with burnout but who will use their last bit of energy to ensure a safe learning environment for their students.

Or a law enforcement officer who has seen the worst their community has to offer, and still suits up to protect and serve day after day.

Or a foster parent who just wants to hand love and stability to a kid in need, but has to push past their own hurts and needs and limitations to change another diaper and provide another meal.

But how are we logically supposed to say yes to ourselves when it feels an awful lot like saying no to the people who need us?

This is where it’s important to remember that our nervous systems are contagious. Back to the body. Our brains may be hardwired for story, but our bodies are hardwired for connection. We feed off of each other more than we’re typically aware of and certainly more than we would often choose to be.

We may think we are holding it together and white-knuckling our way to health for others, but in this condition we are often unknowingly impacting the very people we’re trying to help.

(We did a great video on this several months ago, and you can find it here)

We, in and of ourselves, are worth fighting for - fighting for healing and wholeness. And while that truth should be reason enough to embark on our own healing journeys, the fact of the matter is that our communities need us to do this, too.

We can only complete our mission with excellence when we are ok.

We’d love to be a part of this with you. Gap Relief has your back.